1a. Re: Emotionally worn out
2a. Re: Vent/advice?
I'm sorry to say...I have no advice to give on this. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am in the same boat with my husband. I haven't given him the ultimatum, because I know the outcome already. A long time ago, I gave him the ultimatum of marriage counseling or divorce...we still haven't seen a counselor, and due to my unwillingness to tear my son's life apart, we are still married and living together. I know what you mean about being "worn out". Me too. My heart and prayers go out to you.
I am emotionally worn out by this marriage. It seems to unfair to me how
I work so hard and I give & give but nothing changes. When he does
something nice I think "maybe this time" but then like always he turns
around and the real guy comes back out. I feel like I am living in a YO
YO. It's so up and down I can't keep my feet on the ground.
I gave him an ultimatum (sp?). Either go see this Psych Doc/Therapist
or I am leaving. At the first session the Therapist said he would like
to see him again. That there are a lot of things he needs to work on,
one being a "dry drunk", among other things. To his face he said ok but
when we left he tried everything to get out of it. He used the "we
can't afford" and I knew from other times it was one of his games. So,
I told my husband that I would give up "my" therapist who I have been
seeing for years working on childhood abuse issues from my childhood, so
he could go to his therapist. He never thought I would give up so much
and it surprised him. He honestly thought I'd tell him he didn't have
to go to his Therapist. It has been very hard for me and now I have no
where to go with my hurts inside. The only person I had is now gone. I
told my husband through tears "I gave up a lot for you. You better work
your a** off in therapy and make changes because if you don't I will not
stand by you anylonger".
Who knows. What I do know is "I am so tired". I've been going through
this for 6 very hard, long, tearful, years.
I can only tell you of my experience from my point of view. If he is still acting strange ask him why. Maybe you can pull it out of him and gently set him straight. I hope this gets resolved to both of your satisfaction.
I think if there were any little white lies, I could understand more... but there aren't. I had no reason to not tell him the truth about anything... I wasn't doing anything wrong. I don't drink, I don't smoke... I don't even dance. Trust me, I'm a real thrill to go out with!!! I was the picture perfect designated driver... sitting there, drinking my pepsi, watching everyone else play pool, dance, play poker, and drink. I did nothing wrong... not even a little tiny thing. As for being all dolled up... I dress up way more when I go to the pub down the street with him than I did this time. I dress up for him... because I am a stay at home mom and I know that if I want him to stay interested, its good to look better than a hoody and jeans and my hair in a pony tail every once in a while. But when I went out without him, I had no one to impress. I wore jeans, my every day shoes, a hoody that he hates (just cause he hates the sports team) and a little make up which I wear every day.
I can comment about guys being hot and it doesn't bother him... we sit in the bar all the time and point people out to each other, ask opinions about other people, etc. and that's ok. I just don't get why he is freaking out about this. It's not like I didn't call or come home for two days... he knew where I was (even knows exactly which house)... he knew who I was with... I even have pictures of the entire night but he won't look at them. It's just so bizarre.
My feedback about Successful Marriage Tips. My wife goes out with her friends quite frequently and I must admit I had crazy thoughts running around my head for a while. When I see her all dolled up going out w/out me I have reacted inappropriatley. I think it is a self esteem issue or lack of confidence. She did lie about some small things like money, hidden credit cards and her smoking habit. These small things just convinced me she was lieing about bigger things. How can you assure him......I don't know but from past experience it will get worse before it gets better. We had other stuff going on too, money, kids etc....I was the bad guy and her lies didn't help I know it now but it took counseling to avert a split. Good luck and avoid little white lies, they help no one.
Hubby and I have been together 5.5 years. In that time, I have gone out with my friends maybe 4-5 times... as in not shopping, or doing something with the kids together. Him and I go out maybe twice a month to the pub down the street. We spend almost all of our time taking care of 4 kids who are all active in sports, etc.
That said... last Saturday was my best friends birthday. She is dating my brother who I grew up close to but spend 5 years with no contact with, up until less than a year ago. For her birthday, she decided she wanted to go out to dinner and to a country/western dance club with a bunch of friends... mostly ones that my brother and I grew up with, and their spouses. Since I don't drink, I offered to be the designated driver for the evening, but prior to doing so, asked my husband if he wanted to go... he didn't because he doesn't care for my best friend, and he doesn't know or have anything in common with the people we were going with (he is a city boy... doesn't like country music, line dancing, etc. and they are all country). He was pretty cool about it all and made plans to spend some daddy/daughter time with our youngest daughter. I talked to him on the phone around 10 that evening... and text him at 1 a.m. to let him know we were going to a friends house (whom he has met) and I would not have service on my cell phone, but we would most likely be a lot later than when the bar closed at 2. I ended up falling asleep on the friends couch for about an hour and woke up at 3:30 when everyone was finally ready to go... on our way home, I get a nasty text from him asking where I am. Because I was driving, I simply replied with "driving". When I got home at 4:45, I apologized immediately for being so late and said I didn't mean to make him worry, etc. etc. He seemed ok at first... said he trusted that I was telling the truth because it's me and I'm not like other girls that would be out screwing around. Then he wanted to fool around, which I was really not up for. This is when it turned. For two days now, I have been a cheating whore. He is convinced that because I didn't come home and ask to have sex, that I must have been with someone all night long. He has decided that that is why my best friend didn't ask him to come... that's why I said I wouldn't have service... that's why I was so late, etc. I can't do anything right in our house at this point, because he honestly believes I was cheating on him all night long. I swear, I didn't do anything with anyone. It was me, my brother and best friend, his best friend and his wife.... a few other couples came to the bar with us and left on their own, but I was the only single one there!!! I feel like I'm living in a nightmare.
